Quitting Modelling

About two years ago I quit modelling for good. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do next, but I knew that I wasn't getting what I had used to get out of the whole experience and I needed the change. At the time I was working as a supervisor in a restaurant and  I didn't have a backup plan - I just figured I'd do that for a while and see where it led me.

When I first quit there was a sense of relief. I got some tattoos I'd always wanted (while I was in the industry tattoos were strongly discouraged) and bleached my hair. Suddenly I could work out whenever I wanted to. Suddenly the pressure was gone. I didn't need to worry about how I looked. I was happy and proud that I'd gotten out on my own terms rather than waiting for that dreaded sit-down.

The first few months were glorious but it wasn't long before reality kicked in. I had never been smart with my modelling money and after my last paycheck came and went I suddenly realized that no one had taught me anything about managing money. I didn't know how to get by on restaurant wages alone.

"Wait," I said. "The fuck am I supposed to do with my life?"

I thought back to my days in Asia, the rich boys who had courted me. Maybe I should have married a millionaire when I had the chance. But deep down I knew that wasn't really what I wanted - that was a cop out. Several years before, one of those old boyfriends had told me that I shouldn’t ever quit working as a model because as soon as I did I would start to look old. (At the time, of course, I got nervous and offended and started thinking I was already looking old.)

So what was the next step? Acting? I had been acting on and off for the last six years of my modelling career, but not much had come of it - I had to acknowledge that maybe I wasn't all that good at it.

At one point, I had the thought that maybe I should just go and live in a temple and be Zen for the rest of my life.

As per usual I ended up meeting someone in this time who was, for lack of a better word, a complete asshole, and thought maybe I should settle down. NOPE. I ended up quitting my supervisor job and ending it with the bf after we moved in together. Suddenly I was out of a job, out of savings, and basically homeless.

"What the fuck do I do now?"

At that point I decided I wanted to go back to school. But what would I take? I had always wanted to be a therapist and I was already a healer spirituality so maybe that was the route. By the time I applied to school I was on welfare. But school didn't work out either - there were issues with my OSAP and I wasn't able to commit to the year (which would have been this current school year).

Since school fell through I've landed a full-time job and found a place to live. I don't have it all figured out yet, but I'm getting there. But my advice to anyone who plans to quit the industry without a backup plan is this - make sure you're prepared for the real world first!

-Sarah

How International Modelling Changed Me As A Person

Like any major life experience, going into international modelling changes you as a person. Some of these changes are for the better, while others are more negative. I’ve grown up a lot in the five years since I got out of the industry, but many of these changes influence the kind of person I am today.

PROS:

It made me comfortable with my body, both naked and clothed: This is a big one. Growing up I was always uncomfortable with my body, especially my super-skinny long legs. In middle school the kids called me "daddy long-legs" and I hated it. I was also very flat-chested until about the age of 16. When I got into the industry, I learned to transform my unique body into a feature rather than a bug, and my self-consciousness disappeared.

I learned how to tap into my feminine side: I was a tomboy growing up and I hated wearing dresses. Once I got into the business I learned how to wear nice makeup and present myself in a more classically feminine way, with a hint of my own flair. Once after a shoot a client gave me a shiny gold dress and I thought, "my God, I would never wear this!" But I did wear it out one day and I got so many compliments on it that I started to like it. Being a girly-girl suddenly didn't seem so bad.

I became more fashionable: While travelling I was exposed to a ton of different cultures and fashions. I followed everything from what was in style at a certain time to what was kind of weird or funky to the trends that were so horrible that they kind of worked. It really changed the way I dressed.

I made friends all over the world: I met some amazing people that I still talk to today. I feel blessed to know that if I ever want to travel to a major foreign city in the future, I will more than likely know at least one person there. One thing that's wonderful about the industry is that eventually you learn how small it actually is.

I became comfortable travelling alone: The first time I went overseas by myself I was terrified that I wouldn't know anyone or make any friends. But I've done it so much now that the idea of going out and meeting a bunch of new people is kind of appealing. Plus I've learn how to just be alone sometimes.

I became open to trying anything once: I've tried lots of food I wasn't so sure about at the time. I've also seen sights that I never thought I'd see - for example, I met a racecar driver once and he let me go down to track level and sit in his car. Travelling the world made me open to just going with the flow and trying something new.

I learned how to use my street smarts to negotiate out of sticky situations: Growing up in North America around a pretty rough-and-tumble crowd, I learned how to speak my mind if something didn't seem right to me. Once I started modelling, early on I learned how to talk back if something didn't seem fair or I really didn't want to do something. The clients, especially in Asia, were usually taken aback by a woman speaking her mind and often didn't know how to react.

CONS

It became very hard for me to trust people, especially men: I started thinking everyone always wanted something from me, and that people were only hanging around because I was a model and not because of who I was as a person. I started repping my character a little too much because I wanted people to see that I wasn’t just another pretty face and that I had something to offer. I didn’t think any of the men in my life cared about me, and I never stayed with anyone for longer than four months (and four months was if I REALLY liked a guy). I kept myself distant so that I wouldn’t get hurt, and of course I got hurt anyways.

It made me ONLY comfortable if I was wearing the right outfit: As a model, I became overly aware of what fashion choices were being made around me. Nowadays, I have to be overdressed or at the very least appropriately dressed for every event I go to. If I feel underdressed it will affect my ability to have a good time and might actually make me leave early.

I became addicted to change: My childhood was very turbulent and the industry is ever-changing, so I never learned to slow things down. For me every season was a new world – new place, new experience, new guy (or guys). I would get cabin fever if I stayed home longer than one month at a time – Canada was just a pit stop until I could get the fuck out of Canada again. I couldn’t hang onto anything for a long period of time, and it’s something I still struggle with to this day.

I stopped being able to be told what to do: I was told how to look by somebody else for sixteen years. Once it stopped being my job to shut up and listen, I became resistant to anyone telling me how to do anything. Whenever anyone tries it on me now, I think to myself, “do I really have to listen to this person?” I have tried to work on being more open-minded in past couple of years, but I still have my rebellious side.

I became very lonely: I would be in a club filled with hundreds or thousands of people and just feel like a single grain of sand on a massive beach. I started feeling like nobody could relate to me as a model – they all had their own friends and crowds to go back to. And back home, everyone was growing up in their own way, and had no idea what my life was like overseas. And since my friend group was constantly changing, there was never any time to get close with anyone.

-Sarah

10 Tips On Surviving As An International Model

Keep track of your money. You need to be your own accountant if you don't want to hire one. The industry is rife with sharks and if you don't know what you're getting paid or who you owe money to, the money you think you're making can disappear in an instant.

Always make sure you have a mother agency you can trust. Some of the international agencies will try to take advantage of you as a young person and it's important to check with your mother agency if you suspect that something is off.

Don't get sucked into unhealthy diets or routines. The first thing a lot of people think about when they hear the word "model" is "anorexia." Don't fall down that wormhole. Eating healthy is important, but not eating is very bad for you. If you overdo it, your body will react in ways you don't expect - you might stop having your period, for example. Watch your weight, but do what's right for you.

Don't drink and do drugs alone in foreign countries. Doing drugs in general is a bad idea but the dangers are magnified if you don't know where you are or where to go if things go wrong. Other models may be rivals, but they're also your safety net against what may be out there lurking in cities you're unfamiliar with.

Sleep well at least sometimes. All but the most committed models are going to pull the odd all-nighter, but too many drugs and too many parties will burn you out eventually. Remember that as important as socialising is in the industry, taking care of yourself should come first.

Always shower before going out to a job. It's easy to get caught up in the 24-hour club life and rush from jobs to parties to more jobs without a moment to sleep or shower, but it will eventually catch up to you. No one wants to work on a model who smells like the alleyway behind the bar. It's rude - but worse, it's unprofessional.

Learn how to exercise at home. Pull-ups, push-ups, jogs around the block - you don't need a gym membership to stay in shape. 

Don't take things personally. It's a business, and people aren't getting paid to tell you what you want to hear. Just because you don't get along with the handlers on one shoot, or because you don't have the right look for something, doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you.

Only do things you're comfortable with. For my very first test shoot at age 14 I was asked to do a no-bra look. When I balked, the photographer assured me that if I wasn't sure about it, we could do the shoot with the bra on. In the end I chose to do what was right for the shot, but only once I was comfortable with it. This industry is all about subjecting your body to what other people want, but if it they are ever asking you to do things beyond your comfort level, you should always maintain your right to walk away. If you sign up for underwear and arrive to a photographer asking for nudes, that's not cool. There may be consequences (an unhappy agency, a complaint from the client) but remember that your well-being comes before the job.

Be true to yourself. If you're naturally a size 7 and you're trying to fit into a size 0, you're not being yourself. You can transform yourselves for as many looks as you want, but always stay true to the human being you were when you came into the industry.

Just a few tips from my years in the industry!

-Sarah