Like any major life experience, going into international modelling
changes you as a person. Some of these changes are for the better, while others
are more negative. I’ve grown up a lot in the five years since I got out of the
industry, but many of these changes influence the kind of person I am today.
PROS:
It made me comfortable with my body, both naked and clothed: This is a big one.
Growing up I was always uncomfortable with my body, especially my super-skinny
long legs. In middle school the kids called me "daddy long-legs" and
I hated it. I was also very flat-chested until about the age of 16. When I got
into the industry, I learned to transform my unique body into a feature rather
than a bug, and my self-consciousness disappeared.
I learned how to tap into my feminine side: I was a tomboy growing up and I hated wearing dresses. Once I got into the business I learned how to wear nice makeup and present myself in a more classically feminine way, with a hint of my own flair. Once after a shoot a client gave me a shiny gold dress and I thought, "my God, I would never wear this!" But I did wear it out one day and I got so many compliments on it that I started to like it. Being a girly-girl suddenly didn't seem so bad.
I became more fashionable: While travelling I was exposed to a ton
of different cultures and fashions. I followed everything from what was in
style at a certain time to what was kind of weird or funky to the trends that
were so horrible that they kind of worked. It really changed the way I dressed.
I made friends all over the world: I met some amazing people that I still
talk to today. I feel blessed to know that if I ever want to travel to a major
foreign city in the future, I will more than likely know at least one person
there. One thing that's wonderful about the industry is that eventually you
learn how small it actually is.
I became comfortable travelling alone: The first time I went
overseas by myself I was terrified that I wouldn't know anyone or make any
friends. But I've done it so much now that the idea of going out and meeting a
bunch of new people is kind of appealing. Plus I've learn how to just be alone
sometimes.
I became open to trying anything once: I've tried lots of
food I wasn't so sure about at the time. I've also seen sights that I never
thought I'd see - for example, I met a racecar driver once and he let me go
down to track level and sit in his car. Travelling the world made me open to
just going with the flow and trying something new.
I learned how to use my street smarts to negotiate out of sticky
situations: Growing up in North America around a pretty rough-and-tumble crowd, I
learned how to speak my mind if something didn't seem right to me. Once I
started modelling, early on I learned how to talk back if something didn't seem
fair or I really didn't want to do something. The clients, especially in Asia,
were usually taken aback by a woman speaking her mind and often didn't know how
to react.
CONS
It became very hard for me to trust
people, especially men: I started thinking everyone always wanted something
from me, and that people were only hanging around because I was a model and not
because of who I was as a person. I started repping my character a little too
much because I wanted people to see that I wasn’t just another pretty face and
that I had something to offer. I didn’t think any of the men in my life cared
about me, and I never stayed with anyone for longer than four months (and four
months was if I REALLY liked a guy). I kept myself distant so that I wouldn’t
get hurt, and of course I got hurt anyways.
It made me ONLY comfortable if I was
wearing the right outfit: As a model, I became overly aware of what fashion
choices were being made around me. Nowadays, I have to be overdressed or at the
very least appropriately dressed for every event I go to. If I feel
underdressed it will affect my ability to have a good time and might actually
make me leave early.
I became addicted to change: My childhood was very
turbulent and the industry is ever-changing, so I never learned to slow things
down. For me every season was a new world – new place, new experience, new guy (or
guys). I would get cabin fever if I stayed home longer than one month at a time
– Canada was just a pit stop until I could get the fuck out of Canada again. I
couldn’t hang onto anything for a long period of time, and it’s something I
still struggle with to this day.
I stopped being able to be told what to
do: I was told how to look by somebody else for sixteen years. Once it
stopped being my job to shut up and listen, I became resistant to anyone
telling me how to do anything. Whenever anyone tries it on me now, I think to
myself, “do I really have to listen to
this person?” I have tried to work on being more open-minded in past couple
of years, but I still have my rebellious side.
I became very lonely: I would be in a club
filled with hundreds or thousands of people and just feel like a single grain
of sand on a massive beach. I started feeling like nobody could relate to me as
a model – they all had their own friends and crowds to go back to. And back
home, everyone was growing up in their own way, and had no idea what my life
was like overseas. And since my friend group was constantly changing, there was
never any time to get close with anyone.
-Sarah
No comments:
Post a Comment