Sleeping With The Material World is a coming of age story about a girl who travels the world seeking a modelling career before finally finding herself. Born to an underprivileged Toronto family, she sees modelling as her opportunity for a big break, and travels to Tokyo to begin her fashion adventure. But Sarah quickly realizes she’s more interested in the boys and the lifestyle than the modelling, and thus begins a whirlwind five years of travelling across the globe chasing men and job opportunities. Rubbing shoulders with personalities as diverse as professional athletes, Hong Kong mafiosos and a crazy ex-boyfriend back in Canada, Sarah’s experiences vary from an allergic reaction in Japan to a stint in Brazilian jail to quitting modelling to join a car rally in China. Through it all, there’s one particular playboy who seems eternally unattainable. In the end, Sarah realizes that neither the men nor the industry can make her happy, and she has her final awakening upon returning home to Canada. A sample from the book can be found here.

Monday, December 17, 2018

Brand is everything!

Back when I was a model, brand was everything. The clients were all about brand recognition, the agencies needed to build up their brands in the eyes of the clients, and the girls needed to brand themselves to land the right kind of jobs. Branding is important because it tells people what to expect from you. And the same thing applies to this blog – it needs a brand. That’s just how the internet works.

I’m still off work, and while I’m enjoying working on the book with Simon, right now the work on that includes a lot of waiting on my end. And with all this extra time on my hands I’ve been watching a lot of Netflix shows like “RuPaul’s Drag Race” about people making it big, and they’ve been inspiring me to think outside the box (something I think I used to be very good at). And I’ve realized that I would love to do something that I love every day that also builds up my brand. And the more I started to think about that, the more I kept coming back to fashion. I’ve lost touch with most of my connections who are off globe-hopping or settling down with families of their own, but I do miss the industry.

And that’s why I’ve decided to rebrand myself as new Mom, writer and fashionista – all in one! Starting in the New Year I’m going to start rolling out a new series of outfit ideas for new Moms on a budget! Frank and Oaks has a great new deal where they send you an outfit every month (with modifications if necessary) for between $30 and $150, and one of my favourite books of all time is 1000 Poses by Coco Roca, so I decided to combine the two. For each outfit, I will model a pose or two from the book and then record a one-minute video discussing pricing, where it’s available, how it feels, and so on. I’m excited about this new project because it combines my experience in the industry with my experience as a new Mom adjusting to her
body – in other words, the stuff that every new Mom has to deal with. I’ll probably never be a B24 or size 2 again, but I’m okay with that. I love my new ass and breasts!

I also have a new long-term goal in my life – I want to become a psychotherapist! (But first I need to finish paying off my student loan. I didn’t even know I still hadn’t paid it off until I triedto apply to school again earlier this year – groan.) Lots of plans for the New Year! I’ll keep you all posted!

Monday, December 10, 2018

Why Do Men Check Out Other Women?

I spend a lot of time wondering why men who are married, dating, or seeing a girl always feel the need to stare at other women. Some men are better than it than others, and I’ve dated both types – the guys who can’t stop ogling another beautiful woman even when I’m standing right next to them and the guys who are respectful enough to wait until I’m out of the room to look. But they all do it, even the sweetest guy who claims to live in the moment with you.

Now, don’t get me wrong – I check out both guys and girls. But I’m content with just noticing someone’s a hottie and moving on. I don’t keep staring until they leave my sight. And since I consider myself a pretty sexual person, it feels like if I’m able to control myself, then men should be able to do the same.

But the truth is, I don’t think they can help it. I think it has something to do with the drive to procreate. Men are programmed to want to spread their seed far and wide – a natural instinct that women just don’t have in the same way. And even though it bothers me when the man I’m with feels the need to look around at his “other options,” so to speak, I have to acknowledge that keeping that drive alive is what keeps the human race going. The world is over-populated and right now maybe we could use a few less babies, but trying to stop our men from wanting to make them could backfire – studies already show that male fertility has never been lower. If men lose their desire to procreate on top of whatever else they’re losing, eventually the world could see a full-blown population crisis.

So have at it, men. Check out other women. Just be respectful about it – and don’t forget to check out the girl you’re with at the same time.

Monday, December 3, 2018

Check Out My New Book!

In April of this year I quit my job to start working in earnest on Sleeping With The Material World, but it’s hard for a writer to stay focused on just one project at a time. In early May, an email appeared in my inbox advertising a $3,000 prize for a story aimed at underachieving readers. Not entirely convinced, I began whimsically writing about the trash-littered alley I remember behind my childhood home. I used to wander through that alley, wondering what kind of secrets might be hidden in the clutter. Fast forward a few months, and, after much writing, re-writing and editing, those scribbles turned into a 10,000-word story called Running The Point. I submitted Running The Point to the contest and – lo and behold – it won the prize!

Running The Point is about Ennie, a 12-year-old with NBA dreams. Ennie chances on a runaway girl after being embarrassed at basketball camp and their budding friendship soon leads Ennie into trouble. As his stern Aunt Lucia and a black coach named Steve-O try to turn his focus back to basketball, it becomes clear that helping a friend in need might also help Ennie overcome his biggest adversary on the court.

Running The Point makes a great Christmas gift for the kid in your life who loves sports but isn’t sure about reading. It’s available as both an ebook and a paperback on Amazon. I have also created a new personal website at with sections on SWTMW, RTP and various other aspects of my writing career.

If you're interested you can learn more about Story Shares here.


Monday, September 3, 2018

Plane travel tips with a new born

I am coming to you from Vancouver Airport with some tips and advice on how to travel with a newborn by yourself or with someone else. I hope this helps you as you travel with your little one!

There were 4 things that I forgot to mention.

1) If your flying with Air Canada then don't buy a bassinet for the flight from them. I was told that a friend bought one twice and twice he did not receive it. When he asked for it as he got onto the flight they responded with they didn't have one. He didn't get his $250 back both times.

2) If your using bottles ask for a cup of hot water and then a cup of cold then you can put half and half into the bottle, check the temperature and give it to your baby faster.

3) If your baby won't eat on the way up or down then use a soother they work just as well.

4) I believe I covered everything, but there are tons of videos out there to help you on youtube or just google it as well!

Thanks so much for watching!

Monday, July 2, 2018

Old love new love

I'm checking in from Ojibway Park speaking about love and how I felt about it before and after my family. It was a very hot day so excuse my sticky appearance.

Wednesday, June 27, 2018

Dating diary about a "weak romance"

Several years ago I worked with a guy at a telemarketing place. In between my modelling gigs. That guy was funny and we would hang out sometimes, but he had been with the same girl for a long time so us hanging out never meant much of anything. One time I even had a get-together at my place and he came over and met my brother and his friends, which was cool. Eventually he moved on to a different job and then a few months later I ended up there as well, so we started to get pretty familiar with each other.

About three years after we had last worked together, we started messaging each other on Facebook about getting together to catch up. One Sunday night he invited me out for drinks, but it happened to be on the same day as my little sister’s baby shower. I wasn’t planning to go, but the shower ended a few hours earlier than I expected and I didn’t feel like just going home, so I decided to show up at the bar. I had seen him posting on Instagram that his girlfriend was on her way home from 9 months in Korea and they were getting ready to start a new life together, so I assumed he was in a serious relationship.

He was with 3 of his friends at a classy bar on Queen Street. Two of them were already wasted and had obviously been drinking for hours before I showed up, and the third friend kept going outside to smoke, which seemed a little sketchy and weird. My old friend told me that the relationship he’d been posting all over social media had already ended and that he didn’t want to talk about it. That was my first red flag. But on the whole the night went well. We had some really good conversations and seemed to connect well. It seemed like we had a ton of things in common. (Looking back, I think he was probably lying about some of it – guys will do that when they’re flirting.) He was a very sweet, open guy, and was really kind to everyone around him at the bar.

His friends left without tipping – second red flag. I tipped extra to cover for them and apologized profusely to the server. Then the two of us went to another bar where he seemed to know everyone. Again, he was so kind and pleasant to everyone, telling them he loved them and all sorts of wonderful things. I asked him how he was so close with the bartender.

“Oh, I did coke with him last night,” he shrugged.

Third red flag. After a few drinks he took me out in front of the bar and tried to kiss me.

“No,” I said. “We’re not there yet.”

“I’m so sorry,” he said, hanging his head. “I just meant…I didn’t mean anything.” He nearly fell over himself apologizing.

“It’s fine,” I said. “You’ll know when we are.”

We went back inside and had another drink and I decided I was having a really nice time.

“You’re going to sleep at my house tonight,” I told him.

After we left, he ended up taking me home rather than the other way around. At his house, things got very tender. We only kissed, but I slept in his bed and we had a great vibe. When I woke up in the morning I had to leave to walk my dogs, but I lingered for longer than I should have, The sexual energy passing between was hard to ignore and I could tell he was getting frustrated, but for whatever reason I held back.

“I love you!” he blurted out, and then realized what he’d just said. “Sorry. I don’t know why I would say that.”

“I can’t say anything like that back,” I said. “It’s way too soon.”

I left, but we had made a good connection. The next night he slept over at my house but again, it was mostly talk as we bonded with one another He let me listen to some music he had made which was dark and atmospheric but really terrific. He didn’t like showing it to anyone – he said it was too personal – and he even got anxious just letting me listen to it, but I appreciated it and told him so. I liked him, but I thought it was weird that he still smelled like alcohol. He’d worked till 1 AM at the restaurant he managed yet apparently he’d still found time to have a couple of drinks on the way over to my house. That was my fourth red flag. I told him I didn’t really drink and that I didn’t really want to get involved with someone who was heavy into the sauce. He shrugged it off and said it was nothing.

A few days later he called to let me know he’d made a reso for me at his restaurant, which was owned by a well-known chef in the city. I told him I hadn’t had a good day, but I was looking forward to hanging out with him so I would come. As we walked in, he held my hand, which made me feel awkward – almost as if we were onstage. But my previous boyfriend had been emotionally unavailable so I still took it as a good sign.

At the restaurant we were sandwiched between another top chef and some rich, boring people who seemed to be listening to our whole conversation. He started ordering me a bunch of things, and when I told him there were certain things I didn’t like, he simply made substitutions and went right on ordering. That was my fifth red flag. I don’t like it when guys order for girls – I can order for myself, thank you very much. While we were there a bunch of people kept coming by to say hello and explain the intricacies of each dish, breaking it down by ingredient. I could feel the eyes of everyone who worked there on me the whole time. I felt like his prize, someone he could show off for all his friends and coworkers. It all got to be too much for me – the production, the doting servers, the eyes. I tried to tune it out and focus on the food. We ate oysters, then tuna ceviche, then some salad that was disgusting, and finally some green curry chicken. I took one bite of the chicken and stopped him dead in mid-conversation.

“Where’s the washroom?” I said. “I’m gonna puke.”

Since I’m so thin and was a model for so many years, people have often asked me if I’m bulimic. I hate that question, and I hate puking even more, but in the bathroom of this fancy restaurant I projectile vomited out my whole dinner. I was embarrassed that it had happened – and even more embarrassed that it had happened in front of so many watching people.

When I got back to the table the food was gone and he was waiting for the bill. We walked back to his place and he asked if I had gotten sick because I was stressed. I was offended. I told him no, it was clearly something to do with the food. In retrospect, I don’t know what it was. When I looked it up later I realized that real food poisoning usually takes at least 4 hours to upset your stomach, but maybe one of the weird ingredients triggered an allergy or maybe I was already sick. Back at his place I ordered a pizza for us, but he refused to eat any. He told me he had once been 300 pounds and since he’d lost the weight he’d stopped eating late at night. I sat in his apartment and ate the pizza by myself, and he went to bed.

We went on one more date after that. Someone offered him free tickets to the David Bowie exhibit at the AGO, and then after we saw that we went to Ai Weiwei‘s “According to What” exhibit. I really enjoyed going with him – he really seemed interested in what the exhibit had to say about art and life, and I was impressed by the worldliness of it. He kept telling me how much he enjoyed my company and how much he liked me. (Maybe I shouldn’t have seen this as another red flag, but I’ve had a lot of bad experiences and I never really trust when guys are touchy-feely like that.) As we parted ways after the exhibit, he invited me to a Nine Inch Nails concert the following week.

We hadn’t slept together yet, but things were going really well and I was ready to take things up a notch. A couple of days later I had to work late so I turned off my phone but I told him that I was ready to tell the other guys that were chasing me that I was interested in him.

Kisssssssses, he texted back – another red flag. Who doesn’t have something substantial to say to that?
When I turned my phone back on after I finished work at 11 PM, I found a message from him saying he was out drinking with friends and wanted me to come. It was my friend’s last night at the bar that night, so I told him I was just going to go out with work people instead. It had been a long day and I was tired and my phone was dying, so once I finished up with the work party I was planning to just go home and crash.

He didn’t take that well. He responded with a crazy text saying that I had been judging him from the beginning about everything. He said that every question I had ever asked had been a personal attack on him. He said that I told him he had no manners and a drinking problem. (To be fair, I had suggested both of those things, but only in a gentle way – I thought of them as minor issues that could be corrected if we got serious.)

After sending the text, he called me and tried to pick up right where he’d left off. I told him I thought we should talk about it tomorrow – partly because he sounded drunk and partly because I didn’t want to have a fight on the phone in front of all my coworkers. We hung up, but things seemed fine. I got home at 3 AM from the work party and called him but got no answer. The next morning I tried calling him and then texted his name with a question mark, but he didn’t respond. When I decided he just wasn’t taking my calls, I left him one final message:

“I wanted to talk about this but I guess not. Take care and good luck with everything.”

He texted back and said he would call me after work. I waited up till 2:30 AM, but there was no call. The next morning I deleted him off of Facebook, Instagram, and blocked his number. He was a complicated character and looking back, I know I made the right choice – someone who lashes out like that is not a good person to get involved in a relationship with.

Our fling was brief but intense. I call it a “weak romance” – it only was a week long and we never slept together, but it had the arc and intensity level of some of my more serious relationships.

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Keeping up with health as a new Mom

It’s hard to be a new parent and find time to keep yourself healthy. Today I had a throat biopsy scheduled for the afternoon, so my day consisted of me rushing from a store (to buy some pants and shorts that I felt comfortable wearing at my current weight), over to my Mom’s to pick up some things and then to the hospital for my appointment. After the biopsy (which was pretty uncomfortable - it basically consisted of them jamming 3 needles into my throat and jiggling them around) I had to rush my mother to her night shift and then finally after that I was able to come home and relax.

And it’s not like today was a one-time thing. Last week I had a dentist appointment scheduled but I had to change the time three times before I was able to make it in. Once I was there, I found out I needed to get a cavity filled, and then I had to rush off to therapy. My partner had previously told me to take a relaxation day for myself, but by the time I got done with the cavity and therapy I was exhausted and my breasts felt like they were going to burst because I hadn’t fed Teo all day. The concept of “alone time” is great but the reality of it is something entirely different when there’s a baby in the picture. In the past I’ve talked about trying to stay fit as a new Mom but it’s not just that - it’s hard just to stay on top of regular day-to-day health concerns.

Once I got into the biopsy room today, the nurse went to get the surgeon and I was left in the room for about 5 minutes. Normally that wait is aggravating, but I knew my boy was safe outside with my mother and I was close enough to hear him cry. And my only responsibility was stay calm while I waited for the doctor to came in with the needles. I sat in that hospital room with my gown on, legs hanging off the edge of the bed, looking around at all the equipment in the room, and I suddenly thought: this is weirdly nice. And I realized it was because it was so quiet. So if I could offer any advice to any other new Moms it would have to be this: enjoy the quiet moments when they come, because there won’t be many.

They say you need a village to raise a child and I’m really feeling that need these days. How do people cope without a nanny? We certainly can’t afford a nanny right now and sadly we don’t have much family support. Most of our immediate family members are either not around, inexperienced with babies, or just not that interested in helping out. For the most part it’s just me, my partner and my Mom, and even though they’re great at times it feels like it’s not quite enough. Sometimes I wonder why as a society we’ve lost our sense of community. Is it because with so much overpopulation in the world our friends and family just see another baby as a burden? I want to still live my life and stay in shape, but how am I supposed to take care of myself and my baby without going totally insane? I’m trying not to get too down on it - it’s only our third month, after all, and I’m sure we’ll figure it out. But if any other new Moms have any tips on how to stay on top of things, I’d love to hear them in the comments!