Brand is everything!

Back when I was a model, brand was everything. The clients were all about brand recognition, the agencies needed to build up their brands in the eyes of the clients, and the girls needed to brand themselves to land the right kind of jobs. Branding is important because it tells people what to expect from you. And the same thing applies to this blog – it needs a brand. That’s just how the internet works.

I’m still off work, and while I’m enjoying working on the book with Simon, right now the work on that includes a lot of waiting on my end. And with all this extra time on my hands I’ve been watching a lot of Netflix shows like “RuPaul’s Drag Race” about people making it big, and they’ve been inspiring me to think outside the box (something I think I used to be very good at). And I’ve realized that I would love to do something that I love every day that also builds up my brand. And the more I started to think about that, the more I kept coming back to fashion. I’ve lost touch with most of my connections who are off globe-hopping or settling down with families of their own, but I do miss the industry.

And that’s why I’ve decided to rebrand myself as new Mom, writer and fashionista – all in one! Starting in the New Year I’m going to start rolling out a new series of outfit ideas for new Moms on a budget! Frank and Oaks has a great new deal where they send you an outfit every month (with modifications if necessary) for between $30 and $150, and one of my favourite books of all time is 1000 Poses by Coco Roca, so I decided to combine the two. For each outfit, I will model a pose or two from the book and then record a one-minute video discussing pricing, where it’s available, how it feels, and so on. I’m excited about this new project because it combines my experience in the industry with my experience as a new Mom adjusting to her
body – in other words, the stuff that every new Mom has to deal with. I’ll probably never be a B24 or size 2 again, but I’m okay with that. I love my new ass and breasts!

I also have a new long-term goal in my life – I want to become a psychotherapist! (But first I need to finish paying off my student loan. I didn’t even know I still hadn’t paid it off until I triedto apply to school again earlier this year – groan.) Lots of plans for the New Year! I’ll keep you all posted!

Keeping up with health as a new Mom

It’s hard to be a new parent and find time to keep yourself healthy. Today I had a throat biopsy scheduled for the afternoon, so my day consisted of me rushing from a store (to buy some pants and shorts that I felt comfortable wearing at my current weight), over to my Mom’s to pick up some things and then to the hospital for my appointment. After the biopsy (which was pretty uncomfortable - it basically consisted of them jamming 3 needles into my throat and jiggling them around) I had to rush my mother to her night shift and then finally after that I was able to come home and relax.

And it’s not like today was a one-time thing. Last week I had a dentist appointment scheduled but I had to change the time three times before I was able to make it in. Once I was there, I found out I needed to get a cavity filled, and then I had to rush off to therapy. My partner had previously told me to take a relaxation day for myself, but by the time I got done with the cavity and therapy I was exhausted and my breasts felt like they were going to burst because I hadn’t fed Teo all day. The concept of “alone time” is great but the reality of it is something entirely different when there’s a baby in the picture. In the past I’ve talked about trying to stay fit as a new Mom but it’s not just that - it’s hard just to stay on top of regular day-to-day health concerns.

Once I got into the biopsy room today, the nurse went to get the surgeon and I was left in the room for about 5 minutes. Normally that wait is aggravating, but I knew my boy was safe outside with my mother and I was close enough to hear him cry. And my only responsibility was stay calm while I waited for the doctor to came in with the needles. I sat in that hospital room with my gown on, legs hanging off the edge of the bed, looking around at all the equipment in the room, and I suddenly thought: this is weirdly nice. And I realized it was because it was so quiet. So if I could offer any advice to any other new Moms it would have to be this: enjoy the quiet moments when they come, because there won’t be many.

They say you need a village to raise a child and I’m really feeling that need these days. How do people cope without a nanny? We certainly can’t afford a nanny right now and sadly we don’t have much family support. Most of our immediate family members are either not around, inexperienced with babies, or just not that interested in helping out. For the most part it’s just me, my partner and my Mom, and even though they’re great at times it feels like it’s not quite enough. Sometimes I wonder why as a society we’ve lost our sense of community. Is it because with so much overpopulation in the world our friends and family just see another baby as a burden? I want to still live my life and stay in shape, but how am I supposed to take care of myself and my baby without going totally insane? I’m trying not to get too down on it - it’s only our third month, after all, and I’m sure we’ll figure it out. But if any other new Moms have any tips on how to stay on top of things, I’d love to hear them in the comments!

What keeps me going - DRIVE

One definition of drive is “to propel or carry along by force in a specified direction.” Another is “an innate, biologically determined urge to attain a goal or satisfy a need.” My whole life I have been chasing things. First it was modelling and then when I got all that I could possibly get from modelling I moved onto the book. Now all I think about is succeeding in publishing this book.

Back when I was doing well as a model I remember talking to my brother on the phone about our family. We were wondering why we hadn’t ended up successful. Even though both of our parents came from upper-middle-class backgrounds we grew up on just enough money to scrape by. I asked my brother if I was different. He said that the main difference with me was that I had drive. I had the drive to keep going, to not let a no turn me away from what I wanted. If I really want something I work towards it until I get it.

The thing I’ve struggled with is knowing what I want – too often I would get bored or tired of whatever I was chasing and end up moving onto the next thing. My last name Jackman literally means jack-of-all-trades and I think it’s appropriate. I’ve always felt that I’m naturally good at just about anything I set my mind to, but even something as simple as joining a basketball team in high school was hard because I couldn’t stick to it. But over time, I think I’ve overcome that, and right now I know exactly what I want: to get this book finished and the best book that it can be.

I want to apologize for the lateness of this post. Simon and I were re-working everything, and the regular Monday blog got caught in the balance (not to mention the long weekend). Honestly, I do love change and I think that’s a great trait for me to have because if something isn’t working then I have the flexibility to try another route - and if that doesn’t work then I’ll try another and another until I have exhausted all my choices. After some discussion, we have decided to continue on our journey with a few changes in responsibilities. I won’t get into details here, but suffice it to say that I feel that our focus kind of veered off for a few months what with me just having a baby and him dealing with a concussion. But the same realities that kept us from being gung ho on this project for a while are now the same things that will give us more time to focus on it. I really do feel like we’re getting close.

My brother has never been so right – I am determined to see this book through to the end. My whole life I’ve had my family who believed that I could be something special, and that’s important, but now I have a wonderful partner who pushes me every day. But what’s more is that I have belief now. I believe in my creativity. I believe in myself. And I believe that you can do anything if you have the drive and you believe in yourself. And as a new parent, more than anything it’s my son that makes me believe. I want my son to have everything I didn’t – including success and money, but also including me being there as the best parent I can be. If nothing else, I want to get this book published for Teo.