Beijing Memories

I love this photo.

This was taken less than a week after I ran out on my last international agency in China. In this shot we’re on the elevator on the way to the club to go party with the 2008 Olympians. I was chilling with the Jackass boys and two BMX riders after we had all finished up the Gumball 3000. The “Masters of Dirt” hat I’m wearing is the logo for one of the BMX companies.

It had all started the previous Saturday night, when my friend Min in Shanghai invited a bunch of the girls up to a huge party in a fancy hotel. Min told me it was a party for the Gumball but I had no idea what that even meant. He assured me that the party would be packed with celebrities and that they needed some hotties there. So I asked my 5 roommates (all beautiful models) if they wanted to come. Of course they came – I always knew where the fab parties were. When we got there, there was free booze and free food everywhere. The girls and I stayed all night, then went back to the penthouse and partied till the next morning. One of the hot guys I had met asked me if I wanted to stay with them and travel to Beijing. I told him yes. Then I called the agency and told them I was cutting my contract. I was sick of my agency and the scene in China and just needed a change, but more than anything I was just down to have a good time. Thinking back now, it just reminds me how wild and fun I used to be. It’s not that I can’t have fun now, but I’m more grown up. In my teens and twenties I did whatever I wanted, and got paid. Life was easygoing and carefree.

So I joined the Gumball. The Gumball is enormous car rally that takes place somewhere in the world every year. Thousands of cars and drivers drive thousands of miles just to have a good time and enjoy their toys. It attracts the wealthy, the famous, and anyone who is crazy about cars. The cars in the main rally itself are absolutely gorgeous. In 2008, the Gumball was lined up with the Olympics, winding up in Beijing just in time for the Games. I had really only hitched onto the last leg of the trip.

Fast-forward to this picture. The hottie who had convinced me to run out had already left Beijing, since he was a writer for GQ and had other things to do now that the Gumball had reached its destination. One of the Jackass cameraman, a guy named Teatree, invited me and Miles, the main BMX rider I was hooked up with, to come into town to eat something with him and some British girl. It was probably one of my favourite nights in Asia. We went on an Asian Gondola and rode around a river. We went and smoked sheesha at some side street make shift “restaurant”. Then we ended up in this club somewhere where all the Olympians were hanging out. It was probably best that I had no idea who anyone was because then I wasn’t going crazy about meeting any of them. I had no idea who they were. We partied all night.

Later, Miles, the British girl, Teatree and I were all drinking and Miles put his head down and went to sleep. The British girl was basically gone, her eyes looking all different ways, and me and Teatree were left to chat. He was living in LA but was from New York. He was Jewish and Russian, loved his family, and came across as so funny and sexy but not in your typical way. We stayed there chatting and drinking for a few hours with our dates ‘under the table.’ Teatree was a skateboarder who started his career off as a cameraman for skateboard videos. He moved on to shooting for ‘Jackass.’ He was charming but so not my usual type and a little older then me. We hit it off, and after this meeting we dated on and off, though it never went anywhere. Twice I told him how I felt and twice he turned me down. He only truly wanted me around when he was lonely. From time to time he would fly me out to wherever he was and we would end up stuck to each other’s hip, as they say. Then I would go home, and we would go back to being just friends again.

This photo was the beginning of the end of the fun times. My agency was super pissed at me, and had contacted my mother agency to tell them that I’d disappeared and was on drugs (neither of which were true, though I had left with zero notice). My mother agency was calling my mom to make sure I was okay, and now every other day I was on the phone with my mother reassuring her I was fine and just with friends. By that time the modelling agency in Shanghai had taken all my belongings and brought them to the office under lock and key, including my passport and lap top. They threatened that they would keep everything and not let me leave China. But I was too busy having the time of my life with these millionaires to care.

A few days later, the parties dried up and people started to leave Beijing and I had to go back and clean up the mess I’d created. The train home from Beijing to Shanghai was one of the worst experiences of my life. There were four small beds in each cubby. This train was infested with mold and I’m deathly allergic to it. The train ride is only about five hours long but I thought I was going to die. My throat started to close up, my eyes were foggy and my ears were completely plugged. So much phlegm was coming out of my nose and mouth. I would choke on it at times and have to cough it up and spit it out in a tissue. When I got to the point where I thought I couldn’t take any more my stop was next. I ran off the train and my symptoms instantly disappeared. I was so relieved.

Now: the agency. I knew it was going to be bad. The agency had my laptop, my suitcase of clothing, and my passport all locked up in a massive vault. I still have no idea why they had a bank-sized vault in the agency. They refused to give me any of it back until I reimbursed them for the flight monies they said I owed them for flying me out to China in the first place. I told them I did not want to stay there anymore. I wanted out. But I didn’t have the money.

I sat in the waiting area for while. Finally the owner of the agency arrived and told me to come into their boardroom. He yelled at me for about an hour. He told me I was twenty-three years old and I was acting like a child. He had never had any model do such a thing. Then he told me that I was worth nothing because I was female. I was crying but told him that I was going home this week. He said no, I wasn’t going anywhere until we figured out about what I owed him.

That day I ended up leaving without any of my belongings, only getting them back much later with help from my mother agency and an assurance that I would never work in China again. Even though this was basically the end of my modelling career, I don't regret my decisions at all. It was such an amazing experience and I still talk to some of the people I met on my Gumball trip.

-Sarah

When A "Dating Diary" Isn't Really About Dating

A couple of weeks ago we posted a video categorized as a “Dating Diary” in which Sarah discussed an experience she had where a man posed as a producer offering her a part as a way of trying to get into her pants. Since that time, Sarah has realized that this was not a dating story at all, but something much darker. In light of all the sexual assault allegations coming to light recently against Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey and innumerable others in Hollywood and elsewhere, it’s important to recognise the line where things stop being professional and become abusive, and enforce that line. This is one of Sarah's (far too many) stories. In this case, she did go to the police - too late to actually press charges, maybe, but early enough that the next time this happens it will be a black mark on his record as he will be seen as a repeat offender.

#metoo

6 Major Mistakes I Made As A Model

Back in our very first post we outlined some tips for surviving in the modelling industry. In this post I’ll discuss some of the mistakes I made as a young model that could have been avoided if I’d followed some of those tips:

1) I never kept track of my jobs and agency expenses.

After my contract was done in South Korea I came home with way less money than I should have. The agency ended up charging me for a bunch of extras, including the rent on my apartment after they had told the group of us to move into a bigger and more expensive place. When I went there, they had a set amount (flat rate) that they paid out for the type of jobs that they were offering and they pocketed the rest. At the time I didn’t want to be a pain but in retrospect I should have asked to see the receipts and demanded fair payment. If I’d been smart, I would have insisted on altering the contract to state that I would be paid the full amount that the client paid the agency, minus the 20% agency fee and minor expenses. Instead, I let the people who had the most to gain from ripping me off control my finances.

In general, I should have tracked all my jobs so when payment came up I knew exactly what I was owed. I should have budgeted expenses before even stepping foot in the city I was working in, just to know how much I needed to leave available for emergencies. I trusted my mother agency to have my back and while they were my rock, on the road it’s important to be your own accountant and always watch every dollar that comes in and goes out. Models are in a difficult spot - forced to put so much trust in other people in such an untrustworthy industry.

2) I partied too much, and didn’t focus enough on the jobs, castings or career in general.

Sometimes while I was getting my makeup done for a job and I had to shut my eyelids while they put on eye shadow, I would literally fall asleep in the chair. The makeup artists were very nice about it and never made it seem like a problem - they were probably used to it - but I shouldn’t have been doing that. I should have enjoyed being there and not rushed everything. I should have had more respect and appreciation for the job and the career.

Personal Essay: What Women Are Today

I’ve been wondering about my role as a female in the modern world. As a woman, I always feel the need to make people see me as just as strong as men. I'm small, but I'm much stronger than I look. My brother always makes jokes about how I’m “muscles Magee,” because I will always pick something up and carry it even if it looks huge for my small stature. My mother is the same way, and these days I have to tell her not to pick up heavy stuff, that she’s getting too old to do that kind of thing. Society expects men to be strong physically and they are told that they shouldn’t cry or show emotions. I don’t agree with that, but on some level I have always tried to emulate that. So I don’t really cry and I hate when women lose their cool and get all emotional. But why do I react like this? I know I shouldn't feel that way. Some people are more emotional than others, and it has nothing to do with gender. Besides, women’s emotions, compassion and intuition are some of the strengths that make us great.

I grew up playing with the guys because they were always doing fun things while the girls would walk around, play with dolls, talk about people and follow around the boys. I didn’t want to follow around anyone. I have always tried to be independent. After I hit puberty and realized I liked guys more than girls, I began moulding myself to be more attractive to the other sex. I thought that was what I was supposed to do - be more appealing to the other sex because they were “stronger.” But when I ask myself how I came up with that strategy, I realize that I wasn’t born thinking that way. I was taught. My father, who definitely believes that men are stronger than women, is a fervent believer that a women needs to be walked home by a man to be safe. He is a lovely man but those are his beliefs, and when I think about it I realize it’s not really his fault - it’s just how he was raised. My mother, on the other hand, was a mess while I was growing up. She was so emotional and a lot of it was because of all the things she had been through as a female. I saw this dichotomy close up and made a choice that I would not be a feminine moody “girly girl.” And although now I embrace and am open to every aspect of myself, including the girly aspect, I understand why I pushed against that. I’ve noticed that if I “pretty” myself up most people, even women (most of the time), are nicer to me, whereas if I’m just in sweats with no makeup people pay no attention to me and aren't as willing to help or be nice. Don’t get me wrong - I know I am privileged. I’m white, born in Canada and visually symmetrical. So it’s easy to play the pretty card. But what I want to know is why we’ve been raised in this way. Is it something that women are taught or is it something ingrained?

I did some research into the subject. The United Nations latest Human Development Report showed women are 8% less well off than men overall. This is a blanket figure which covers subjects like education achievement, life expectancy, and income.  While that overall difference actually isn’t quite as bad as I thought it was, there are places throughout the world where gross sexism is still rampant. In South Asia, for example, there is a 17% gap between the sexes. In all, out of 148 countries, only 16 don’t follow the general trend. Those sixteen give me some hope. The report stated that generally when countries do well women do well. In countries that the UN calls the “high human development group,” there is only a 3% gender gap. But then in countries that are deemed “low human development” there is a 17% gap. Afghanistan scores the worst at 60% while Sweden and Iceland consistently rate at the top. High-income countries in Northern Europe typically score highest for gender equality. So, generally speaking, Western women are doing better than non-Western women, which isn't a huge surprise.

But then I looked into the subject historically. I know I can’t really comment on how things were way back when, but I figured someone had studied it. I read an article called “Early men and women were equal” where an anthropologist named Mark Dyble and his coauthors say the latest findings suggest that equality between the sexes may have been a survival advantage and played an important role in shaping human society and evolution. The authors argue that sexual equality may have proved an evolutionary advantage for early human societies, as it would have fostered wider-ranging social networks and closer cooperation between unrelated individuals. “It gives you a far more expansive social network with a wider choice of mates, so inbreeding would be less of an issue,” says Dyble. “And you come into contact with more people and you can share innovations, which is something that humans do par excellence.”

So if in the past women were just as powerful as men…then why are we held back today? Is it because we are by nature more peaceful than men? More in tune with ourselves? More graceful? Because some men are bigger than women physically?  Maybe because we like to nest? All those statements have a ring of truth to them, but they’re all generalisations. There are exceptions to every one of them. Men can be all those things as well. Now there are men who become women and women who become men. So what does gender matter? The LGBTQ community believes that we are all equal no matter what we are attracted to or whether we identify as female, male or both. That to me in wonderful! If you ask any transgender person, they will tell you that equality is important to them. But I still feel like I’m made to feel less than adequate compared to males. And I have always hated that. Where did we go wrong as a sex? It feels like since the beginning of time women have been bogged down. Why do we let it happen?

At this point I refuse to imprisoned by stereotypes and statements that women and men should be this way or that way. I believe we should all enjoy our lives and have equal rights. We should be allowed to enjoy this life that was given to us and know that it’s enough. Every individual brings something lovely and necessary to the table, and I wish as a species we could learn to embrace those differences. I will always fight to have equal rights and stand up for the people who need a voice because I believe that one day we will realize that truth.

-Sarah

Dating Diary Vlog: The Man Who Wasn't Camera Shy

Hey followers, since we didn't post a fresh article on Monday, here's a bizarre dating story about an experience Sarah had with a "producer" who offered her a role in a movie...